I have not journaled for almost a month.  I have been doing allot of reading about St. Francis and Bro. Juniper. 

My feeling have been all over the place.  I am not sure where the Lord is steering me.  I feel as if I am going in a confusing direction.

As a Franciscan I am suppose to praise God in all things.  This past month I have had Tom back in the hospital for two more stents.  I know that I need to trust in the Lord, as Francis and Juniper did.  They did not question anything that was put before them.  They knew that God was in charge of everything.

I am wondering if being a Franciscan is what God really wants for me?

More praying is in order! 

I haven't journaled in quite a while.  I'm not sure how I feel right now.

Ever since the first of November, things have been crazy. 

I went to Mass on All Saints Day at St. Theresa Parish.  The Mass was a Mass of Remembrance for all of the people that had died and had their funerals at the Church this past year.  My adopted Mom was buried from the Church.  I went because my adopted family was going to be there. 

The celebration did not started out very friendly.  The Pastoral Care Minister was not very hospitable.  One of her helpers was a personal friend of mine.  She was so sweet and asked me how I was doing.  We started to chat and were interrupted by the Pastoral Care Minister.  She started yelling at her helper.  After she left, we continued our conversation.  She came back and yelled at me saying that this helper had a job to do and that I should not talk to her.  I think St. Francis would have been on her case very fast.

The Mass was nice enough, although there was allot of Latin Music sung.  I felt like we had gone back to Pre-Vatican times. 

On November 8th, my husband had to go into the hospital for a heart procedure.  A year ago he had two stents inserted into his arteries.  Now the doctor had to replace them.  He told me that if these didn't work, Tom would probably need a bypass.

God were are you?  Please help us!  We need you!

I am not ready to face more sadness.  I feel helpless!

I am missing my Franciscan brothers and sisters.  This past week the National Secular Franciscans were here for a big conference.  Tom and I were at the Franciscan Renewal Center on Tuesday and Wednesday for special celebrations with our Franciscan family.  On Tuesday our Auxiliary Bishop visited with all of us.  He was so very gracious and loving.  He came to meet, pray, eat and celebrate Mass with us.  I was so honored to be asked to bring up the Offertory Gifts during Mass.  It was a wonderful blessing for me.  One of our Franciscan Friars, Brother David received the Peace Award.  After Mass we celebrated with Brother David.

On Wednesday, Tom and I came back to the Franciscan Renewal Center for adoration of the Blessed Sacrament.  What a beautiful experience!!!  I felt such peace and joy.  I can't begin to describe all of the feelings that were going through me.  My God and My All!!!

On Friday, Linda and Tom Raimundo picked me up and brought me to St. Mary's Basilica.  I had volunteered to help with a dinner for the conference participants.  There was so much to do to prepare for this event and there was a Mass at 5:00 p.m. before the dinner.  I was so tired by the end of the evening, but oh so happy to be able to serve my family.  I had to set up fifteen tables with silverware, napkins and holy cards for each person.  Each table was set for eight people.  We had a total of one hundred and twenty people.  We served spaghetti, salad, bread, wine and soda.  We had ice cream and cookies for dessert.  Everyone was so happy and full of spaghetti.  Father Vince sang a couple of Italian songs for everyone.  It was a great evening.

Today, everyone is leaving for their home states.  It is very quiet and a little bit lonesome.  I love the excitement of meeting new people and serving.  Right now I feel a let down.  I feel sad that everything is over.  There was so much preparation for this six day conference and it ended so fast.  I will remember this for the rest of my life. 

What a wonderful week!  What a Blessing!

Tom and I are currently in the process of working on our Catechist Certification for our Diocese.  Eventually the Diocese will expect all of their volunteers, who teach Religious Education to be certified.

Our first class was last night.  The class was on Divine Revelation.  I told Tom that if I had taken this class back when I was in my thirties, I would not have been able to understand anything that was being said.  Now that I am in my sixties and have had experience with Religious Education, Liturgy Classes, RCIA and Bible Study Classes, I was able to participate intelligently with everyone at the class.  This class was so will presented that Tom and I can not wait to go to our next class.  The instructor was a staff member of the Franciscan Renewal Center.  She made the class so interesting, exciting and welcoming.  She asked us to write out our feelings about what our relationship with Jesus means to us.  I know that God loves me.  I know that I am His child.  I would like to share my feelings with you.

"Jesus is my Love and Life.  I speak to Him all day everyday.  In the quiet and in the work.  If I wake from sleep in the middle of the night, He is there with me and in my thoughts.  We talk all the time.  I will never quit talking to Him.  I need Jesus in my life forever.  Jesus, my life is in Your Hands".

Monday and today Tuesday have been very quiet and restful.  Yesterday I put some chicken legs and thighs in the crock pot with some celery and let it cook all day.  Boy, the smell sure made me hungry all day.  I washed the dishes and then relaxed for the rest of the day.  Today, I will wash clothes.  Later, Tom and I are taking our daughter Anne to pickup her car from the mechanics.

This last Sunday, Anne and her daughter Gaby came home from San Diego.  They had gone to Sea World.  Gaby is nine years old and had never been to Sea World.  She had wanted to go there for a long time.  On the way back Anne's car broke down in Gila Bend, Arizona.  Gila Bend is seventy five miles west of Phoenix, were we live.  She called and said that she would need to be picked up.  Tom and I were supposed to be at our formation classes for the Secular Franciscans.  We were upset about missing the class.  We thought that the Devil was keeping us from our class.  He was keeping us away from the love of the Lord and our Community.

We started to pray.  All of a sudden Anne called to say that a friend was going to pick her up.  The friend lived only a half and hour away from Gila Bend.  Praise God!  We made it to our class.

After class we enjoyed the first annual St. Mary's Fall Festival.  The people there are so friendly and hospitable.  We had a fantastic time.  The food and fellowship were awesome.

Even though we have to go with Anne today to Gila Bend to pick up her car.  It will be a new and exciting adventure in our lives.  God spared Anne a huge mechanic bill.  She is happy and that makes us happy too.

We are looking forward to what God has in store for us.

We will be Vigil and Persistent in Prayer.

Today the shock of our friends death has left and grief has set in.  Yesterday I sang at Richard's funeral.  I didn't look at the family at all in the church for fear that I would start crying.  I knew that I had to sing.  That was my gift to his wife, Betty and his family.  The funeral was beautiful and very blessed.  Betty picked out all of the Scripture Readings and the Music.  There were two other singers singing with me.  One was my former Diocesan Chorale Director and the other was a former choir member from the parish were the funeral was held.

The music really spoke of Resurrection and New Life.  Richard and Betty truly believed and still believe that.  Betty is so strong and faith filled.  In their entire married life they lived the Gospel.  Anyone that needed help, financially or needed a place to stay were helped and supported by Richard and Betty.  There was always room at their home.  They never turned anybody away.  Now Tom and I need to be there for Betty.  We need to take care of her.

Today all I want to do is be with Betty.  The tears keep flowing.  I really miss Richard.  All I want to do is be with Betty.

Yesterday was a very busy day.  We are always busy on Sundays.  I really think that we need to rest on the Lord's day.  I'm not sure if that is possible.

We got up at 4:00 a.m. to take our daughter, Marie to work again.  Then we came home and got ready for Mass.  After Mass we started down to St. Mary's to teach R. E.  After classes we went back to the Franciscan Renewal Center where we had gone to Mass for the Profession Ceremony of two men who were taking their final vow for the Secular Franciscan Order.  The Celebration was so beautiful and very simply done that St. Francis was written all over it.  I felt great joy and peace with all of my Franciscan brothers and sisters.  Everyone was full of joy and happiness!

The music was absolutely beautiful.  Father Peter, our Celebrant, was filled with the Holy Spirit.  I felt the presence of God very strongly.

After the Mass, we all went into one of the meeting rooms for refreshments and fellowship.  The day was truly amazing!

Tom and I were exhausted, but thoroughly happy.  We can not wait until we make our profession.  God willing!

I haven't journaled in awhile.  I wasn't in the mood.

I have been reading a book by Murray Bodo, OFM entitled Francis, The Journey and The Dream.  It is written so beautifully and simply that it has keep me interested.  I am not an avid reader like the rest of my family.  It takes me awhile to read a book.  If it isn't interesting, I will quit reading it.  Sometimes I might go back to it, but not very often.  This book is irresistible.  I can't put it down.  I can't wait to be a professed in the SFO.

Today, started out quiet and peaceful.  Tom was working on his Art and I continued to read my book.  At 11:30 the phone rang.  It was my former music director and close friend.  I used to sing in the Diocesan Chorale for ten years.  I had many directors in that time, but Michael was the first director to tell me that I was a good singer.  He had faith in my ability.  He started having me sing solos for big events in the Diocese.  He even chose me to be one of sixteen singers to sing for a prayer service when Mother Teresa of Calcutta came to Phoenix.  I am very grateful that he gifted me with such a wonderful experience.  Today, though, Michael called to tell us that one Tom's and my dearest friends, who we had known for some twenty years had passed away.  Tom and I are devastated.  Richard and his wife Betty were married for over fifty years and were our role models for perfect faith filled union.  Michael invited me to sing for Richard's funeral on Friday, October 15th. 

Excuse me, the phone is ringing.  Betty just called to tell us about Richard's death.  She wasn't sure if Michael had told us and she didn't want us to read about it in the obituaries.  I didn't know what to say to her.  She told me that Richard died peacefully without any pain.  She said that that was a miracle in it self.  The doctor said that it was unheard of not to have pain.  Thank you God for sparing him pain and suffering.  She told me that he died on October 7th.  I told her that he died on the Feast of Our Lady of the Rosary.  She seemed very comforted by me telling her that.  I also told her that I would be singing at the funeral.  She said that she was very happy to hear that.  She said that she had hoped that I could do that.  We didn't stay on the phone to long because her other phone was ringing and she seemed totally exhausted.  I told her that I would see her on Thursday at the Mortuary.

I think right now I am still in shock.  It is hard for me to believe that he is gone.  Richard was so full of energy and joy.  He always had a smile and a hug for us.  He and Betty would take us out to breakfast anytime we were at his Church on a Sunday for Mass.  We always had a terrific time when we were together.  I am comforted to think that Jesus and His Blessed Mother have their arms around Richard right now.

Richard, I love you and I miss you.  May you rest in Peace and Joy!

Until we meet again...........

The last few days have been very chaotic.  We got done with our silent retreat on Sunday, October third, picked up our son and went to a 80th birthday party for my second Dad Arnold.  We had a wonderful time visiting with all of the family and eating.  About two hours into the visit I got deathly ill.  We had to leave for home, which was forty-five minutes away.  Getting home seemed like forever.  I took some medicine and started feeling better sooner than I usually did.

Monday, was the Feast of our Father St. Francis.  Tom and I just relaxed and kept silence for the day.  That evening we went to St. Mary's Basilica for a special Mass and a Italian Dinner.  Everything was wonderful and the Community was so much fun to be around.

We went to bed around 9:30.  At midnight I woke up feeling really sick again.  I had a very upset stomach and I had a fever.  I thought that I had gotten the flu.  I sat on my rocking chair from midnight until six o'clock Tuesday evening not being able to move at all and sleeping the whole time in that chair.  Boy, was I stiff by the time I was able to get up out of the chair.  Tom and our son Tommy were sick too.  They had the same symptoms that I had.  We slept all day.  Tom thinks that we got food poisoning at the party.  I'm not sure what to think.  I only know that I do not want to ever get that sick again.

In between sleeping though, I had time to think, pray and thank God for my wonderful experience at the silent retreat.  Being that I had never experienced that type of retreat before, I didn't find it to be so bad.  Once I got over my emotional state, I found myself to be very peaceful and happy with everyone and everything.

I hope this feeling never ends!

Hi, I have a break until 3:30, so I thought that I should journal about my experience today.

This morning, Tom and I arrived at the Franciscan Renewal Center at 6:25.  We went to the Healing Garden to say our morning prayers.  I started to feel very weepy and emotional.  After prayers I went to the bathroom and cried.  I didn't want to be around anyone at all.  I felt totally lonely and lost.  I had fully intended to go to Mass at 7:00, but that didn't happened.  All I wanted to do was run away.

I tried to hide from everyone, including my husband Tom.  I felt like I had lost my best friends, God and Tom.

I went into the St. Clare Blessed Sacrament Chapel and the tears began to flow.  I was out of control.  I stayed there until 7:50 and was out of control.

One of the retreatants, Rosemarie, started coming down the sidewalk as I was coming.  She could see that I was very upset and asked what was wrong.  I couldn't explain why I felt so sad and teary.  See told me that she thought that the devil was trying to get a hold of me.  She said to pray to St. Michael the Archangel for protection.

After breakfast, I went to the conference room for the second session of the retreat.  Fr. Cyprian was so excited about the Lord and His Word that I had an awakening.  The next session was even more stronger than the first.  I now have a peace about me that can only be explained as a gift of Grace from the Lord.

By the way,  being quiet on this retreat isn't as bad as it could have been.

Praise God!

Back later........

Last night Tom and I left our home to go on a silent contemplative retreat at the Franciscan Renewal Center.  I was very excited to be able to go and focus on God instead of all the hustle and bustle of what reality offers.

We checked in at 5:30 p.m. and received a white envelope with our name tags in it.  A hospitality hostess showed us where everything was.  We proceeded to the social area to meet our fellow retreatants.  It was a very nice gathering of people from different parts of the country.  There were allot of fellow Franciscans too.

We went into dinner at about 6:00 p.m.  I was so nervous that I barely ate.  There was a Religious Concert honoring St. Francis in the Chapel at 7:00 p.m.  It was very beautiful and emotional.

At 8:45 p.m. we all adjourned to a conference room for our first session.  It started out very peaceful and definitely quiet.  I thought that this was going to be a wonderful experience.  Boy, did I guess wrong.  The evening was silent.  That was not a problem for me because I have done contemplative or center prayer for a while now.  I was used to being silent during the day.  My problem was that the chairs in the room were very uncomfortable and my feet could not touch the floor.  I have trouble with swelling in my feet, ankles and legs.  So a twenty minute session of prayer really does my legs in.  After about ten minutes, I had to get up and leave the room, right in the middle of the session.  I am sure that my leaving and the door squeaking disturbed all the other people in the room.  I went outside and sat on a small concrete wall and prayed.

The other thing that bothered me was that I am a very social creature.  Having all of these people around me and not being able to talk to them was disturbing to me.  Also, when my legs started acting up, I couldn't even tell my Tom, who was sitting right next to me, what the problem was.  I also felt like I had died, because I was around all of these people and I couldn't talk to any of them.  It was a very lonely feeling!

Today, we have to be silent all day long.

My comment is, Good Luck, JoAnne!

More to come..........

Today is the first anniversary of the death/new life of my second Mother, Dorothy.  Really though she was more like a real Mother to me. 

I first met her and her husband Arnold (Bax) when I became friends with their daughter Linda.  Linda and I had seen each other at Church.  We didn't really become friends though until we started going to a Catholic Singles Group Meeting at the Cathedral back in the 1970's.  Linda and I were in our twenties then.  I had asked Linda if she sang in the folk group at Church.  She said yes and asked if I want to join because the group needed more singers.  I joined immediately.  I loved to sing and still do.  We had our practices at church, but once in a while we would practice at Linda's house.  Her parents were always very hospitable and fun to be around.  They supported all their children in all of their endeavors.  Linda has three brothers and all of them sing.  I started to become a regular visitor to their home.  I was always welcomed with open arms, loving smiles and hugs.  I was always treated with respect.  After a while, I was invited to family parties.  Mom and Dad (as I call them) would introduce me as their other daughter.  As the years went on I grow to love them very much.  Tom and I were invited to all of the family events.  We were at all of their children's weddings.  We were at all of their grandchildren's weddings.  We were at their fiftieth wedding anniversary mass and party.

Over the years, Mom and Dad would always give me support.  When I met my husband, Tom, I took him home to met my own parents.  Then I took  him over to met my second parents.  My parents didn't like Tom.  My own mother still does not like Tom and we have been married now for thirty-four years.  My other parents like him immediately.  When we got married Mom and Dad were at our wedding.  When we started having our children they came to see our babies.  When I miscarried our fourth baby, Mom and Dad were there with us to pray.  They always had Christmas presents for our children.  We have four, one son and three daughters.  When our oldest daughter Marie was eight, she was diagnosed with Leukemia, Mom helped me take care of her.  When Marie was healed of her Cancer, Mom and Dad  celebrated with us.  When Marie got married, they were at her wedding.  Over the years my own Mother has disowned me, for what reason I do not know.  When I ask her what I did to offend her, she says go ask your sister.  My other Mom and Dad loved me unconditionally.  They have loved me for over thirty years.  My own mom who has known me since birth some sixty-three years ago, can't be bothered with me.  She is eighty-six now.  I am not sure if she will ever forgive me.  I have forgiven her.  I'm not sure if I will ever see her again.  I'm not sure if I want to see her again.  I do wish that I could see my Mom Dorothy again.  I wish that I could hear her voice and see her beautiful smile.  I know that I will see her again in Heaven.

Last June, my Mom, Dorothy C. was diagnosed with a rare form of Cancer that is found in Native Americans.  None of the family, including her, knew that there was any Native Americans in the family.  The doctor started treatment on her at once.  It seemed to work for a while, but then it quit working.  By September she was in really bad shape.  She was home until the last week in September.  Her family had to put her in the hospital.  Tom and I went down to see her, but by then she was in and out of sleep.  At one point though she opened her eyes and asked me, "honey, do you know when I am going home"?  I told her, "I don't know Mom".  Looking back, now, I think that she wanted to know when she would see her Lord and Savior.  My response should have been, soon.

On September 29th, she was taken to the local Hospice.  The next day Linda called me to asked if Tom and I could come to the Hospice to sing with the rest of her children.  We were going to serenade her to Heaven.  There wasn't any hestitation in our coming.  We got in the car and went to Casa Grande.  That is where her and Dad had their home for quite sometime.  When we got there, all of her family and friends were gathered around her bed.    Her son Michael and Tom and I sang all of her favorite songs.  We tried to keep the music going.  I'm not sure if she really heard us, but I hope that she did.  Family would join in singing if they could.  The last song that we sang was On Eagles Wings.  Soon as the song was over, she took her last breath.  She died at 8:30 p.m. on September 30, 2009.  She and Dad were married for over fifty years.  Their love for each other never died.   

Her funeral was on October 6th.  All of her friends and children sang at her funeral, me included.  I miss her very much.  I loved her very much. 

This Sunday our family is getting together to celebrate Dad's 80th birthday.  It will be bitter sweet.

Thank you Mom for loving me.  You are in my thoughts and prayers everyday.

Thank you God for my Mother and for my wonderful family!

Yesterday was Sunday, September 26th.  The day started at 4:00 a.m.  We got up that early because we had to take our daughter Marie to work early again.  She had to be at work by 6:00 a.m.  We had to shower and be ready to go by 5:25 a.m. 

We got Marie to work on time.  Then we headed to the Franciscan Renewal Center, to Our Lady of the Angels Chapel for Mass.  Mass doesn't start until 7:30.  We knew that we were going to be early, so we brought our Prayer Books so that we could pray our morning prayers there on the grounds.

After Mass we hurried to St. Mary's Basilica for the 9:00 a.m. Mass.  Father Vince, who is the Pastor was going to bless all of the Religious Education Catechists.  Tom and I are currently teaching fourth, fifth and sixth graders.

It seems funny to me, but when I was at the Mass at St. Mary's, I became very emotional during Eucharist.  I could feel the presence of Jesus very strongly.  The choir was singing Ave Verum Corpus.  I used to sing that song when I was in the Diocesan Chorale.  It is a beautiful old Latin song.  Maybe I was getting sentimental, but I don't think so.  I could feel God's Love very strongly.  My heart felt like it was going to explode.  It was so full of Love.  Jesus is very present in me.  He is a Present, a very special Gift.

This Friday, Tom and I will be making a Contemplative Silent Retreat.  Father Cyprian Consiglio, OSB Cam., will be our Retreat Master.  I am looking forward to being with my God all weekend.  I will be opened to His Spirit especially this weekend. 

Come Lord Jesus,  fill me with your Love, Patience and Peace!

By the way, God healed my hip and toe.  I didn't have any pain at all yesterday all day long.

Today, everything is in God's Hands!

My right hip is hurting really bad.  It was very difficult to walk.  It started acting up yesterday.  On top of that, I broke my wee, wee, wee all the way home toe on my right foot at 4:00 a.m. this morning.  Now, I really can't walk at all. 

Sunday, our Father Vince is going to be commissioning all the Religious Education Teachers at 9:00 a.m. Mass.  I am trying to figure out how I am going to get my shoe on.

Okay God, I am in Your Hands, now and forever more!

"I abandoned myself to Your will, do with me whatever You want". 

I have been listening to the music of John Michael Talbot.  The above words are from one of his songs. 

I do want to abandoned myself to Your will Lord.  I want to listen and obey. 

Help me to follow You always and to obey Your commands.  Never permit me to be separated from You.

I Love You!

Hi, it is me (JoAnne) again.  Today I received an e-mail from one of my dear Franciscan sisters.  She and her husband are always praying for everyone.  They don't usually ask for prayers for themselves.  So for her to ask for prayers for them is what I consider serious.  I wrote her back and reassured her that the prayers would be coming her way.

Praying is very important to me.  It is my private conversation and time to be with my Father.  I can go to Him for anything and everything anytime of the day or night.  He is always listening.  Sometimes though I get really impatient with Him to give me an answer quickly.  I have got to remember that my time is not my Father's time.  He is God and I am not.  So I have got to learn how to be patient.

Yesterday, I had what I call an allergic reaction to something that I have been eating.  My husband, Tom and I have been trying for a few months to pinpoint what it is that is making me feel very sick, out of breath and panicky.  I went to the doctor and he put my on two medicines.  One is suppose to reduce the acid in my stomach.  The other is suppose to relax me.  Really, it makes me feel like a zombie.  I feel like I am in la la land.  I have asked my Father to heal me soon.  I don't like to feel out of control.  Then I remember that God is in Control of my life, not me.  So I will just have to wait for a healing and keep talking to my God and Father.  When He is ready, then I will be healed.

Until then I will be patient and wait.

Today I am kind of weepy!  It could be that I have had to much coffee with week already.  I don't think I have had that much.  I feel so much love right now for my Lord, that everything gets me emotional.  I was looking on St. Mary's Basilica website for this weeks bulletin.  I saw a picture of St. Francis and burst into tears.  He was so in tune with Jesus.  That is how I want to be.  I want to be buried in Jesus' arms.  He is my Brother, my Savior, my All.  I want to live with Him forever!

By the way, I think that God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit are helping me with my journaling.  I would not be doing this journal at all  if I didn't have Them in my life.

Sundays are always very busy for my husband Tom and I.  We usually go to 7:30 Mass.  We get up really early on Sundays.  We usually are up at 4:30.  Yesterday, though, we had to get up at 4:00.  We needed to take our oldest daughter to work.  She had to be there at 6:00 a.m.  By the time we shower and get ourselves together, it is 5:15 and we have to leave the house by 5:25.  We did not get to eat breakfast. 

After Mass we grabbed a cup of coffee and a bagel.  Now it is time to head to St. Mary's to teach Religious Education.  This is the first day of classes.  I haven't taught Religion Classes for a long time.  We were going to meet our students for the first time.  I was very anxious and excited.  We were going to teach fourth, fifth and sixth graders.  I had some preconceived ideas that they were going to be a hard class to deal with.  Boy, was I wrong.  First of all they were kind of scared about coming.  I was pleasantly surprise to find that they were really very polite and respectful.  There was one young boy, who was about ten or eleven.  He is going to be our star student.  He is so smart.  He knows all his prayers and can name all the sacraments.  He has a beautiful smile that can melt your heart.  The class went off very smoothly, thanks to all of the helpers and extra teachers that were there.  Class started at 10:30 and was over by 11:30.

Now it was time for our Formation Classes for the Secular Franciscans.  They start and noon.  These classes are the third Sunday of every month.  So once a month, we will be living at Church.  The class was ok.  We were all just visiting and catching up on what we did during the Summer.  Then we were hit with a bomb.  We were told that we had to journal everyday.  I do not like to write at all.  But I have made up my mind to do it.  It is part of my formation as a Secular Franciscan.  It is going to be a hard exercise for me to accomplish, but I am determined to do my best.  I love God and I want to be the best Franciscan that I can be.  After class, we had our regular Fraternity meeting.  It was so good to see all of our Franciscan Brothers and Sisters again.  We have allot of new people inquiring about our Fraternity.  It will be so nice to have new Brothers and Sisters to share our love and service with.  I know that this is going to be a year filled with blessings.

First Day

Today was a good day. It's also the first day of my blog. I don't really like journalling. But I decided to do it because our Fraternity says it's a good idea.