Our Profession as Secular Franciscans is only nineteen days away. 

How do you feel about it right now, JoAnne?  I feel excited, scared, joyful, and emotional, like I am going to cry.  I wonder if all these feelings are normal?

My Tom and I have been through so much these last three years.  I feel like I am on a roller coaster.  My emotions are all over the place.  Sometimes, I really feel like I am suffocating. 

When I think about it, I felt like this when I was pregnant with my children.  I guess in a way I am giving birth again.  I am giving birth to a new way of life.  I am following in the steps of St. Francis to Jesus.  Although this way of life isn't that new to me.  I have always given of myself and my gifts to God and my Church Family for some forty years.  Ever since I became an adult, God and my family of believers have been my life. 

When I married Tom some thirty-five years ago, I vowed to love, honor and obey him until death do us part.  I included God in those vows too.  God, Tom and I started our married life together.  We have remained faithful to each other our whole married life.  We don't do anything without each other.

I guess, maybe this is why I am so excited, scared, joyful and emotional about my Profession as an SFO.  This decision I made is the start of a more deeper relationship with the other Man in my life.  I have always had a relationship with Him, but now the SKY IS THE LIMIT.

Praise God..........

As Mother's Day approaches, I try to think back to all the beautiful memories of my son and three daughters as they were growing up.  Allot of the memories are beautiful.  Some are good.  Some are not so good.  I try not the dwell on the not so good ones because I start thinking about where I failed in my motherhood.  Did I not pay as much attention to the particular situation at the time?  Was I negligent?

I look back at my own childhood and wonder what I did that was so terribly wrong to provoke my mother to be so bitter and hateful towards me now?  She is eighty-seven and will not speak to me at all.  We have not spoken to each other in at least twelve years.  I miss her allot.

This next week, my cousin Tania's daughter is coming here for a business trip trade show.  I have never met her.  I am very excited about her coming.  It will be nice to see family.  My cousin, out of the goodness of her heart and respect for my mother told my mother that Maria was coming.  My brother said that he would host a little get-together for all of us to gather in one location.  All of us includes my two sisters and possibly their husbands, children and grandchildren, my brother, his wife and children, my husband, children and granddaughter.  Last and certainly not least my mother.  I feel somewhat awkward about being in the same room with her.  Like I said, it has been nearly twelve years since I have seen her.

I sincerely think that this is part of God's plan for us to reconcile.  I only wish that I felt at peace with this decision.  I have got to remember that God is God and I am not.  God knows best!

What do I do though?  Do I try to talk to her?  Do I just visit with everyone?  I guess I wish that my family and I could meet with Maria on our own.  Then, I wouldn't be feeling so awkward right now about the whole situation.

My Lord and My God, I hope you know what you are doing?  I will obey!