Today, I am listening to some Pavoretti.  This music was very dear to my Dad.  He loved listening to Italian music.  It took him back to his roots.

My roots have been lost over many years.  After being disowned by my mother, I have not been able to let go of the hurt.  It is a hard thing to forgive.  I am working on it a little at a time.  My mother will be eighty-seven this March.  I am hoping that I will be able to forgive her before God calls her home.  My new roots are with the Franciscans now.  I am loved and accepted the way I am.  God has given me a new family!  I am truly thankful for them.  I love them very much.  The last month I have been thinking about my Franciscan Journey these last three years.  When I started my formation there were about seventeen inquirers.  Little by little they started leaving our classes.  As I have continued on my journey, I have had my doubts also.  Now I have found that I really trust that God has a plan for me.  He is waiting for the right time to tell me about it.  I have got to realize though that God's time is not my time.  I have to be patient and wait for Him to enlighten me.

I feel very sad that out of the seventeen people that I started with, only five of us are left.  Two people right now have had to stop for a little while because of serious illness in their family.  I was told though that they will return soon.  I continue to pray for them.

On June 13, 2011, at 6:00 p.m.,  I will make my profession in the Secular Franciscans.  I am so excited!!!!  I can't wait!!!!!

I am very moved today by the music of Tom Booth.  This morning I wasn't feeling to well.  My stomach was really bothering me.  I had terrible heartburn.  I still have a little of it. 

I decided to turn on Tom Booth's C.D. of  "Cry The Gospel".  Now, I am questioning why I feel so depressed and worried about what is in the future.  God has always been by my side.  Today, I feel lost and alone.

I need to put my trust in God!  In less than five months Tom and I will make our profession as Secular Franciscans.  Lord, am I worthy to be a Secular Franciscan?  Do you think I am ready?   I am questioning my soul and spirit. 

I haven't journaled since December 2nd.  I have been depressed.  My husband and I have been trying to teach Religious Education to fourth, fifth and sixth graders.  We keep running head on into a teacher who does not want to be a team player.  My husband has put his whole heart and soul into preparing a Sacramental Preparation Program for these students.  It is an outstanding program.  Our Religious Education Coordinator really is happy with the Program.  I am so proud of my husband for taking the bull by the horns and developing such an awesome program. 

There are four teachers on the Religious Ed. team for the fourth, fifth and sixth graders.  Three of the teachers are working very well together.  This other teacher is fighting us tooth and nail.  Tom, my husband, is getting very angry about it.  He has been taking it out on me.  I'm not handling it to well.  I have been trying to put myself and Tom in God's hands.  I just keep getting very angry with this teacher.  I just want to shake her and tell her to just grow up.  I want to yell at her to make her understand that we are do all this for the kids, not for ourselves and not for any glory.  We have discussed this problem with our R. E. Coordinator.  She is trying to be very supportive.  I think that we are going to have to have her talk to this teacher with week.  Every time Tom or I tried to teach this past week, she interrupted us, right in the middle of the lesson.  It is very upsetting.

We are currently in formation for the Secular Franciscans.  We are trying to be patient and kind.  We are trying to follow in the footsteps of St. Francis to Christ.  We are trying to go from Life to Gospel and Gospel to Life.  I can not handle this teacher's attitude. 

God help me to be loving.  Please help me to be open to your will.  You are God and I am not! 

I have not journaled for almost a month.  I have been doing allot of reading about St. Francis and Bro. Juniper. 

My feeling have been all over the place.  I am not sure where the Lord is steering me.  I feel as if I am going in a confusing direction.

As a Franciscan I am suppose to praise God in all things.  This past month I have had Tom back in the hospital for two more stents.  I know that I need to trust in the Lord, as Francis and Juniper did.  They did not question anything that was put before them.  They knew that God was in charge of everything.

I am wondering if being a Franciscan is what God really wants for me?

More praying is in order! 

I haven't journaled in quite a while.  I'm not sure how I feel right now.

Ever since the first of November, things have been crazy. 

I went to Mass on All Saints Day at St. Theresa Parish.  The Mass was a Mass of Remembrance for all of the people that had died and had their funerals at the Church this past year.  My adopted Mom was buried from the Church.  I went because my adopted family was going to be there. 

The celebration did not started out very friendly.  The Pastoral Care Minister was not very hospitable.  One of her helpers was a personal friend of mine.  She was so sweet and asked me how I was doing.  We started to chat and were interrupted by the Pastoral Care Minister.  She started yelling at her helper.  After she left, we continued our conversation.  She came back and yelled at me saying that this helper had a job to do and that I should not talk to her.  I think St. Francis would have been on her case very fast.

The Mass was nice enough, although there was allot of Latin Music sung.  I felt like we had gone back to Pre-Vatican times. 

On November 8th, my husband had to go into the hospital for a heart procedure.  A year ago he had two stents inserted into his arteries.  Now the doctor had to replace them.  He told me that if these didn't work, Tom would probably need a bypass.

God were are you?  Please help us!  We need you!

I am not ready to face more sadness.  I feel helpless!

I am missing my Franciscan brothers and sisters.  This past week the National Secular Franciscans were here for a big conference.  Tom and I were at the Franciscan Renewal Center on Tuesday and Wednesday for special celebrations with our Franciscan family.  On Tuesday our Auxiliary Bishop visited with all of us.  He was so very gracious and loving.  He came to meet, pray, eat and celebrate Mass with us.  I was so honored to be asked to bring up the Offertory Gifts during Mass.  It was a wonderful blessing for me.  One of our Franciscan Friars, Brother David received the Peace Award.  After Mass we celebrated with Brother David.

On Wednesday, Tom and I came back to the Franciscan Renewal Center for adoration of the Blessed Sacrament.  What a beautiful experience!!!  I felt such peace and joy.  I can't begin to describe all of the feelings that were going through me.  My God and My All!!!

On Friday, Linda and Tom Raimundo picked me up and brought me to St. Mary's Basilica.  I had volunteered to help with a dinner for the conference participants.  There was so much to do to prepare for this event and there was a Mass at 5:00 p.m. before the dinner.  I was so tired by the end of the evening, but oh so happy to be able to serve my family.  I had to set up fifteen tables with silverware, napkins and holy cards for each person.  Each table was set for eight people.  We had a total of one hundred and twenty people.  We served spaghetti, salad, bread, wine and soda.  We had ice cream and cookies for dessert.  Everyone was so happy and full of spaghetti.  Father Vince sang a couple of Italian songs for everyone.  It was a great evening.

Today, everyone is leaving for their home states.  It is very quiet and a little bit lonesome.  I love the excitement of meeting new people and serving.  Right now I feel a let down.  I feel sad that everything is over.  There was so much preparation for this six day conference and it ended so fast.  I will remember this for the rest of my life. 

What a wonderful week!  What a Blessing!

Tom and I are currently in the process of working on our Catechist Certification for our Diocese.  Eventually the Diocese will expect all of their volunteers, who teach Religious Education to be certified.

Our first class was last night.  The class was on Divine Revelation.  I told Tom that if I had taken this class back when I was in my thirties, I would not have been able to understand anything that was being said.  Now that I am in my sixties and have had experience with Religious Education, Liturgy Classes, RCIA and Bible Study Classes, I was able to participate intelligently with everyone at the class.  This class was so will presented that Tom and I can not wait to go to our next class.  The instructor was a staff member of the Franciscan Renewal Center.  She made the class so interesting, exciting and welcoming.  She asked us to write out our feelings about what our relationship with Jesus means to us.  I know that God loves me.  I know that I am His child.  I would like to share my feelings with you.

"Jesus is my Love and Life.  I speak to Him all day everyday.  In the quiet and in the work.  If I wake from sleep in the middle of the night, He is there with me and in my thoughts.  We talk all the time.  I will never quit talking to Him.  I need Jesus in my life forever.  Jesus, my life is in Your Hands".