I'm back.....

I had been feeling really good until this past Tuesday.  I started having digestive problems.  Then I got a hemorrhoid.  So today all I have eaten is a scrambled egg and a cup of tea.  I have lost about five pounds in one week.  Today, all I have had is water.  I am trying to rest my bowels.

I have been feeling very sorry for myself.  I have been praying for healing constantly.  My husband and I are supposed to be going on a retreat on Saturday for our formation in the Secular Franciscans.  If the devil is trying to keep us from making our vows on June 13th, he is going to deal with St. Michael the Archangel.  He is a warrior and champion. 

I am not going to let the devil win.  St. Michael will not let that happen either.

Tom, my husband, is making me a little pudding to eat.  I am hoping that I don't get sick from it.  I am so hungry.  Well, we will see how it goes.

God is in charge of my life and health. 

I haven't journaled since March 7th, allot has happened since then.  On March 8th I started to get very sick.  I started having stomach pains.  On March 9th I went to the doctor.  He was ready to put me in the hospital.  We all agreed to wait and see if this illness would pass.  All night long I kept getting up sick to my stomach.  At 3:00 a.m. I couldn't stay in bed any longer.  The pain was getting very severe.  At 6:15, my husband said that we were going to the emergency room.  I spent my time in the emergency room until about 4:00 p.m.  Then I was taken to surgery.  It turned out to be a hernia.

I am getting very close to being professed into the Secular Franciscan Order.  The Profession Ceremony is on June 13th.  I have been thinking that the devil is out to keep me and my husband from reaching our day.  I know that our Lord and Savior is our constant companion.

During my recovery, I have been praying earnestly for protection.  I want to serve my Lord forever.  I do not want anything or anyone to come between me and my Lord.

June 13th will happen for me and my husband.  God loves me and I love Him.

Since Friday, my husband has been sick with a sore throat and cold.  It went from sore throat, to cold, to in his chest.  He has a terrible cough.  He has been sitting up in a recliner to sleep, since Friday. 

Before he left work on Friday, he joked to a co-worker that he was going to take a sick day on Monday.  The job, sometimes, can be very stressful, but he was only joking (he is Irish).  He really wasn't going to take a sick day.  He had no idea that he would really get sick.  He called into the sick line for work this morning.  Well, the co-worker is very angry with him. 

My husband is not out to make people angry.  He is not a fighter.  He is a quiet, gentle, loving person.  He loves God and all His children.  My husband is afraid that he will be reported and will loose his job. 

Please pray for peace and calmness for him.  He needs to recover.

I am worried that he will get depressed.   

We will trust in the Lord!  We will follow Him in everything!

I have been very excited and emotional lately.  I feel like something is about to break through.  I'm not sure what it is, but it is going to be a very strong thing.

I have been waking up in the middle of the night very agitated.  I have to sit up in my rocking chair and pray until I fall asleep in my chair.  The only way that I am at peace is to pray.  During the day, I have to sometimes put on Christian Music to get through the day. 

I am wondering if God has been trying to reach me.  I have been feeling like He has something for me to do.  I wish that I knew what it was.  I have got to remember that God is God and I am not.  So, I will be patient and just wait until things are revealed to me.  I probably need to be quiet and listen.

Sunday I read in the obituaries that a lady that my husband and I had shared our faith with in the RCIA had passed away.  I will attend her funeral on Friday.  She had a great devotion to St. Anthony of Padua.  She was a fantastic piano player and dedicated her two CD's to St. Anthony.  She used to say that everything that she received from God was do to the intercession of St. Anthony.  I am going to miss her very much.  She was a great lady.  May she rest in peace!

Well, I am going to go and pray now.  I need to be with my Lord! 

Today, I am listening to some Pavoretti.  This music was very dear to my Dad.  He loved listening to Italian music.  It took him back to his roots.

My roots have been lost over many years.  After being disowned by my mother, I have not been able to let go of the hurt.  It is a hard thing to forgive.  I am working on it a little at a time.  My mother will be eighty-seven this March.  I am hoping that I will be able to forgive her before God calls her home.  My new roots are with the Franciscans now.  I am loved and accepted the way I am.  God has given me a new family!  I am truly thankful for them.  I love them very much.  The last month I have been thinking about my Franciscan Journey these last three years.  When I started my formation there were about seventeen inquirers.  Little by little they started leaving our classes.  As I have continued on my journey, I have had my doubts also.  Now I have found that I really trust that God has a plan for me.  He is waiting for the right time to tell me about it.  I have got to realize though that God's time is not my time.  I have to be patient and wait for Him to enlighten me.

I feel very sad that out of the seventeen people that I started with, only five of us are left.  Two people right now have had to stop for a little while because of serious illness in their family.  I was told though that they will return soon.  I continue to pray for them.

On June 13, 2011, at 6:00 p.m.,  I will make my profession in the Secular Franciscans.  I am so excited!!!!  I can't wait!!!!!

I am very moved today by the music of Tom Booth.  This morning I wasn't feeling to well.  My stomach was really bothering me.  I had terrible heartburn.  I still have a little of it. 

I decided to turn on Tom Booth's C.D. of  "Cry The Gospel".  Now, I am questioning why I feel so depressed and worried about what is in the future.  God has always been by my side.  Today, I feel lost and alone.

I need to put my trust in God!  In less than five months Tom and I will make our profession as Secular Franciscans.  Lord, am I worthy to be a Secular Franciscan?  Do you think I am ready?   I am questioning my soul and spirit. 

I haven't journaled since December 2nd.  I have been depressed.  My husband and I have been trying to teach Religious Education to fourth, fifth and sixth graders.  We keep running head on into a teacher who does not want to be a team player.  My husband has put his whole heart and soul into preparing a Sacramental Preparation Program for these students.  It is an outstanding program.  Our Religious Education Coordinator really is happy with the Program.  I am so proud of my husband for taking the bull by the horns and developing such an awesome program. 

There are four teachers on the Religious Ed. team for the fourth, fifth and sixth graders.  Three of the teachers are working very well together.  This other teacher is fighting us tooth and nail.  Tom, my husband, is getting very angry about it.  He has been taking it out on me.  I'm not handling it to well.  I have been trying to put myself and Tom in God's hands.  I just keep getting very angry with this teacher.  I just want to shake her and tell her to just grow up.  I want to yell at her to make her understand that we are do all this for the kids, not for ourselves and not for any glory.  We have discussed this problem with our R. E. Coordinator.  She is trying to be very supportive.  I think that we are going to have to have her talk to this teacher with week.  Every time Tom or I tried to teach this past week, she interrupted us, right in the middle of the lesson.  It is very upsetting.

We are currently in formation for the Secular Franciscans.  We are trying to be patient and kind.  We are trying to follow in the footsteps of St. Francis to Christ.  We are trying to go from Life to Gospel and Gospel to Life.  I can not handle this teacher's attitude. 

God help me to be loving.  Please help me to be open to your will.  You are God and I am not!